Month: December 2018

 

Clarity- is it hard to impart in an email or electronically?

I have just read a note thanking a group of us for hosting a celebration. It was long and detailed. To be honest I stopped reading half way through and could not tell you what he wrote.

However, there were a couple of words that really resonated for me – ”thank you for the community, the support and the love” – this resonated but I thought the rest  was just padding. Was this just my interpretation or was there really a lot of bla bla?

What I am suggesting is that we are clear what we are thanking someone for, we can explain our feelings and why we are grateful for an action, saying what need it has met – support, appreciation, the opportunity to be heard, but don’t go on and on. In my opinion, it muddies the water and the gratitude gets lost in all the words. We get confused with the thoughts and their meaning. Look for clarity.

Keep it so simple   ….KISS that way the message will get through with clarity.

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How do we hold our expectations? Do we hold them lightly or do we hold them close to our heart and expect great things of ourselves and others?

I am going to suggest that holding them lightly is a way to ensure more happiness, ease and pleasure. This is because if we expect too much of ourselves or of others we can be disappointed and let down by the results. We ourselves tend to feel deflated, sad, annoyed, frustrated and this energy can be transmitted to the others. If we have high expectations of someone else- a family member, a child, a friend they will feel the negative vibrations if they fail to meet our need in some way.

We don’t know what will happen and we don’t always know why things happen the way they do. So lets enjoy the unexpected and celebrate it. Bask in the wonder of our universe, the day to day joys connection with others bring and be present to take in the full experience.

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I am noticing that I am able to make very conscious choices as to how I behave in certain situations.

Yesterday I went to the dentists. Now if someone asked me what Hell would be for me I would say sitting in the dentist’s chair having my teeth cleaned. I find the experience violent and I use this strong word for a reason. To start with the way the hygienist suits up with mask over the lower half of their face, gloves, special goggles all ready to work on you. The instruments they use are drills and chisels. The drills have a high-pitched sound, which penetrates my head and grates on my nerves and the chisel scratches my teeth carving into them. The gel for freezing the gum tastes decidedly toxic, the television is turned to Dr Phil with subtitles dealing with child abuse and loud rock music plays in the background. All this is going on as the hygienist pokes around in my mouth jabbing, prodding, scraping, drilling and cleaning my teeth.

So I made a conscious choice (thanks partly to my recent meditation classes) I would go into my meditative state, close my eyes, breathe deeply and relax. And the amazing thing was that I was able to do this with all this violence going on around me. I willed myself not to react but instead to zone out and chill. The experience was not pleasant but I was able to keep calm and speak in a neutral tone to the hygienist when she said I needed more regular cleaning.

I made a choice to focus on my breath, soften my muscles and relax. It worked!!

 

 

Are we lucky or are we able to see the situation for what it is and take responsibility for making things happen for the better?

I had a serious neurological condition about 16 years ago. I was hospitalized for 12 days and wondered whether I would ever have the strength to walk again. I decided to cure the condition by changing my life – quitting my job, exercising daily, eating well and cutting down on stress. I also discovered Nonviolent Communication and I learned to say No. Over a period of about 8 years I worked on cutting down on my medication determined not to give up. Yes, there were lapses when I had to go back to the hospital for emergency treatment but I didn’t listen to one of the doctor’s advice. She said trying to heal the condition was a loosing battle and I should just accept the situation and take the medication. I ignored her, working to wean myself off the treatment and slowly I gained strength. Now I have a very few residual weaknesses.

A couple of days ago I was at an event where another person with the same neurological condition was presenting. People were shocked by his disability. When I mentioned to one of the volunteers that I had the same condition but had overcome it she immediately said I was lucky. “NO”, I said emphatically, I worked at healing myself. Sure I had resources but ultimately I did not accept the doctor’s recommendations. I went ahead and changed my life – for the better.

How many of us live in fear? I have a sense that many people live in fear but are not aware of it.   Take my experience today for example. The weather was beautiful and so I decided to skip yoga and go for a walk by the lake instead. As I began walking down the path I noticed a person I knew walking with her grown son. We greeted one another and I mentioned how I appreciated the new viewing area, which was in the process of being built. Her son asked what had happened to the other one. Did the kids destroy it? He said.   “No, I think it was the flood a year ago” I said. Why, I wondered, would he immediately blame the kids?

We walked on and came to the newly constructed deck over the lake. I took a photo for my instagram account. They then asked what I was doing and told me to be careful as there were so many hackers today. You will be hacked I was told.

I thought about the comment and although I realised it was to warn me, I felt sad that they hadn’t noticed and mentioned the way the mist hung on the lake, the ducks swimming close by, the changing colours of the trees. They may have seen all this, but their communication with me had focused on fear.

It saddened me that instead of noticing the beauty and experiencing joy they had found it necessary to focus on communicating their fear.

For me life is a gift. May I always see it this way and celebrate it every day.