Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of Nonviolent Communications, said “Judgments cause wars”. We all know the damage judgments can do. This is because people usually hear your judgments as criticism and this triggers them. They close down and become resentful. They don’t trust you anymore as you have attacked them, and it is hard to redeem the relationship. The fact is, we remember a judgment much longer than we remember a compliment. Judgments are hard to forget. I still remember the judgments of my English teacher at high school!!
But we all have judgments about places, people and things. Can we re-frame this and turn the judgment into curiosity. Instead of saying “That person dresses in a really bizarre way”, we say, “I am curious as to the choices that person has made” or “I am curious as to why he said that at the meeting” instead of “He made a really stupid comment”. This curiosity is not judgmental, we just want to find out more and re-framing allows us to delve deeper. We gain more understanding, connection and ultimately feel more compassion towards those around us.
Try and use curiosity instead of judgment see how it changes the conversation and your perception of the situation.